What Happened to You?

what happened

After the little move up the hill into the big house, I went silent. That’s what happened. My fingers got dirty from sorting things out of boxes I packed 7 years ago. Not one dish broke, but some mice made a nest in the bowls. I uncovered a message I wrote seven years ago on the inside of one of those boxes. When I opened the cardboard flap and saw those capital letters, I cried. “SEE WE KNEW IT’D BE AWESOME.” It is awesome. We built a tiny house and a big house and they’re all ours.

I packed that box when I didn’t know it’d be awesome, but I wanted to believe it’d be awesome. I wrote that to convince myself, but I signed it -Mommy.
Those were dark and scary times, but they were also bright with faith, trust, and connection.

Looking back, I can see my own courage. I can see Karl and myself holding each other up, even though our words were harsh at times. I can see us believing we were doing something awesome even when we loaded the moving truck after we got the eviction from the purple house. I can see us pretending it was an exciting adventure for our kids. I can see that pretending makes it so, but it’s exhausting.

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